Monday, September 29, 2008

Something New, #152

I attended a BBQ, hosted by team Master Basters. It was great. Not only did I try a new food, cheddar cheesy corn, which was AWESOME, but I did so in a town I'd never been to.

I'm also slowly overcoming my fear of social activities.

When I was married to The Ex, and even while we were still living together, he worked in the restaurant business and had crazy hours. We had about two days off a month together and I could literally go 3-4 days without seeing him, even though we were in the same house. In fact, when we separated, we didn't tell The Big One for about 4 months, and she was so used to him being in and out, she didn't even notice.

Because of this, I spent a lot of time at home alone or with babies and toddlers. When we started living together, it was because I moved to another state to be with him, and then when we had our first baby, had just moved to another state. As someone who does enjoy socializing, but is somewhat shy, this was problematic.

And while dealing with his addiction, I learned to withdraw even more.

So after about 17 years of conditioning, it's been a slow process to get back into the practice of meeting new people and being in a group.

I started to feel that old panic again at this party, and was leaving, when a new friend came running after me. I did feel comfortable enough with her to let her know how I was feeling, and she totally understood, and said she had the same problem.

It does help talking about it, and just practicing.

"I certainly have not the talent which some people possess," said Darcy, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done."
"My fingers," said Elizabeth, "do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not preoduce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault- because I would not take the trouble of practising..." Pride and Prejudice

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