Questions for the Ages

The Little One has always been a very curious child, and lately, seems to be asking questions I have absoutely no answer for.

"Why are there nine judges in the Supreme Court?"

Seriously. Hand to God, she asked me this. (She's NINE, by the way.)

I started in, "Well, there needs to be an uneven number so there are no ties when they vote on an issue." Pretty good answer for 7:38 AM, I thought.

"Then why not 5, or 7 or 11?"

"Because 9 is the magic number?"

Next question: "How do birds walk on their legs? They have great big bodies and tiny stick legs."

I had no answer for this one.

Google, anyone?

Starring Layne Aingell, As Herself

So I'm scrolling through the program guide, and I see that "Pride and Prejudice" is on in a few minutes. I switch the channel to E!. There's about 10 minutes left on the show that is airing, and I'm puttering around the kitchen while it's on. I'm not really paying that much attention, but bits of dialogue reach my brain, and I think, "WTF, IS this?" Turns out, it's a reality show called "Something Wild...Wild Girls...Really Wild..." I don't know, something with "wild" in the title. There are these teen aged girls that seem to have the IQ of two year olds and the bodies of Playmates. Just dumb, pretty people basically doing nothing of merit.

The next day, I tune into the Style Network, because "Clean House" is pretty much on 24/7 and I love me some Neicy Nash. Another reality show I was not aware of, "Jerseylicious," was on. Again, even dumber and not even pretty people.

Seriously, where's MY reality show?

I could have my own camera crew follow me around as I go through my workday. I can show off my negotiating skills in determining what to make everyone for dinner, highlight my prowess at frugality as I cruise the clearance aisles at Target, illustrate how to rise above the pettiness of egos while being chewed out by one of my bosses for one of HER mistakes and provide general amusement for the viewing public at my discovery of a brick in my backyard with the inscription "Do Not Spit On Sidewalk." (True story. I have no idea I was in possession of such a brick, nor how it got there.)

So E! or Style Network, if you're reading, give me a call. I'm available.

Paybacks are Hell

The Big One is now fourteen and has almost overnight, changed from a sweet girl to a moody pain in the ass.

I'm sure it's not helping that I recently got engaged, she started her period and has discovered boys.

Welcome to the Hormone Hot Tub.

I'm sure I was the same way, maybe worse. But I have a few more tools my mother didn't, namely FaceBook and text messages.

Yes. I admit it. I check my daughter's text messages when she's in the shower. I figure I'm paying for the service, so they're my messages too. Okay. That is a stretch. So sue me.

Anyway, I haven't seen anything too shocking or insightful. Although, the other day there was a message from her BFF's BF, McLovin', asking what second base was. She had to ask another friend. I figure if neither she nor McLovin' knew what it meant, they're okay. But on the other hand, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

I told her she couldn't have a FaceBook account unless I was her friend, which I think is fair. Again, she's either really not getting into any trouble, or just hiding it really well.

I'll give it a couple of years, then I'll get my old sweet girl back.

Meanwhile, technology is on my side.

RIP Henry

The other morning The Little One comes downstairs in tears and yelling, "BAD BAD ALMOST FERAL CAT!"

Her fish, Henry, was floating at the bottom of the bowl. Somehow The Almost Feral Cat was responsible.

Unknown to The Little One, this was the fifth in a long line of Henrys. I hate to admit it, but I was relieved that I wouldn't have to make any more clandestine trips to the pet store and have any more secret burials in the toilet.

"Well," I began, "Henry was a good fish, and had a good life..."

Between sobs she gasped out, "That's NOT helping."

She wanted to stay home from school, but I explained that the passing of the beta did not count as a death in the family. So I took her to school and walked her into class.

The World's Best Third Grade Teacher took one look at her and knew something was up. She came over and gave The Little One a hug and said how sorry she was.

She was still upset after school, so her dad took her to the pet store.

Now she wants a bearded lizard.

Over my and Henry's dead body.

Random Acts

So I go up to the McD's to get a movie at the Red Box on Saturday night. I was already tired and cranky, just having had a bout of strep and was in sweats with no makeup and I couldn't remember the last time I'd washed my hair, so I really just wanted to get in and get out.

There were 3 people in front of me.

The guy at the kiosk was having trouble deciding, and had to flip through the selections several times. The woman behind him was on her cell, obviously oblivious to everyone behind her, because she was really loud. There was another woman in front of me, then while the first guy was still trying to decide, 4 more people got in line.

This Red Box happens to be at the entrance of the McD's so we were pretty much blocking the door and were in everyone's way.

The guy finally got his selection out, and the woman on the cell moved up to the kiosk.

"OK, so what do you want?...Ummmm...let me see....something scary?...I don't know, I've never heard of it, hang on..." She then proceeds to read the description of several movies to whoever she was talking to. "OK, so what do the kids want?...Well, go ask them...They don't have that one..."

You get the picture.

Then, when she tries to check them out, she's over the limit and has to start over.

Meanwhile, you can just feel the tension build in the people waiting in line, myself included since I'm already tired, crabby and stinky.

When she finally checks out, this guy at the end of the line asks the woman in front of me, "Hey, would it be OK if I just returned this movie real quick?"

I wanted to punch him in the neck.

The woman said OK, and then asked the guy behind HIM if he just wanted to return a movie. He did and so she let him, too.

I was steaming by this time, but instead said to her, "You know, that was actually very kind."

While the woman in front of me was getting her movie, the first guy who returned his went over to the counter, then came back.

He had bought cookies for all of us.

There's a real lesson here, but the bottom line is, be kind, because you might miss out on cookies.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

We were sitting at the breakfast table when we heard a terriffic crash from upstairs. Before I could get there to see what it was, The Little One figured it out. "HENRY!"

The Almost Feral Cat had finally gotten to The Immortal Fish.

Luckily, the bowl did not break, as it somehow got wedged between the desk and bookshelf, but all the contents had tipped out onto the floor. All the contents including Henry.

I managed to scoop him up, plop him in the bowl and got the bowl filled up somewhat with water. He was still moving and I crossed my fingers he would at least last until we got home for the day.

When we got home, he was at the bottom of the bowl.

So while The Little One was at dance class, The Big One and I headed to Petco for a replacement. As best as I can count, I believe this is Henry V. We had so much drama when her goldfish, Jessica and Jr., didn't make it for 24 hours in our possession, that I keep replacing the betas.

Probably not the best example of teaching the Circle of Life, but one less drama I have to deal with.

Obits

About 3 weeks ago, one of The Big One’s friends’ dad (“Bongo” Barry Bernstein if you want to Google him) dropped dead of a heart attack. He was only 55, married and had two kids. I did not know him personally, but knew of him, because he was very involved with the band programs at the high school and middle school and was a children’s entertainer. He was also a music therapist with one of the school districts. I was looking forward to getting to know him when we got to the high school level bands.

We went to the funeral at the Unity Temple and it was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life. There were about 200 people, mostly in tie-dye, because that was his trademark. The opening procession was a drum circle of about 75 musicians. There was a slideshow of his life and about several people talked about him. Both of his girls got up and spoke and were both so eloquent and poised. No tears from either girl, both talked about how much he loved life and making other people happy. There were several performances from his musician friends and the processional was everyone jamming to Buddy Holly’s “Not Fade Away.” Barry was one of those lucky people who found their bliss early in life, was able to make a living out of it, and share his gifts. It is a true loss and so sad that he died so young and left so many people with this hole in their lives, but on the other hand, what a great legacy to have so many people love you. I came out of that service feeling high.

He and his family performed around the state over the summer, and left “Bongo Barry” egg shakers at rest stops along the way. They were passed around for the processional and I keep mine in my purse to remind me that life is short, that I should not take every day for granted and that I need to hurry up and find my bliss.

My aunt died yesterday after a bout of brain cancer. She had had colon cancer in the mid seventies, breast cancer about 8 years ago, and 2 years ago, it metastasized to her lungs in the form of melanoma (she never smoked or lived with a smoker, BTW) and went to her brain last year. She had radiation and it shrunk the tumor and she was doing great until a few weeks ago. Up until then she was driving, taking care of her garden, entertaining with her husband and just about everything she normally did. She was on hospice at her home and died in her sleep in no pain.

Jo had a great life, too. She was married to her husband for 60 years last summer. When he should have been retiring, they took a job transfer to Southern Korea, then to San Diego. They were the kind of people who made immediate, lifelong friends. Jo was also one of those people who love life, and got excited about just about anything. She was also one of the kindest, generous people you’d ever meet. Because she always lived far away from me, I usually only saw her once a year, at the holidays. I made several visits to her and my uncle as an adult, and those are some of the best trips in my life. I took the girls to down to their home in Wimberley, Texas two summers ago, and the last memories I have of her are of her heading down the long, wooded driveway from their house on the hill to the river at the foot of the hill, pulling a kayak, then launching the kayak into the water and giving the girls a quick lesson. At 80, she was in great shape, and I should look so good in a swimsuit at half her age.

Barry and Jo are just reminders that we are here to make the most of the life we have now. I don’t believe in heaven, because what’s the point of using your time on earth as merely a ticket to something that is imaginary. We humans have a choice every day of what to do with our lives. It’s just practical to choose to be happy.