I’ve been mostly sick for the past week with some scrumpdillicious strep/flu/virus thing, and I’ve spent the better part of the last week on the couch.

I’m not one to spend a lot of time just lolling about on the couch, watching TV or whatever. Between working several jobs, going to school, raising kids, etc., I generally don’t just SIT and watch TV. Oh, it’s always on, but I’m always doing something at the same time such as making meals, ironing, putting away laundry, you know.

So I had some time to catch up on my infomercials and also the big, fat Sunday pre-Christmas-shopping-frenzy newspaper circulars.

Here’s what I learned:

Most of the products manufactured and marketed to Americans are designed to encourage laziness.

Seriously, it doesn’t stop with the Snuggie. There was a product in an ad for a bedside laptop desk. It’s a little desk that slides in between your mattress and box springs so a person can use their laptop in bed. I thought that’s what a lap was for. There’s the Roomba, created so a person doesn’t have to get out the vacuum cleaner and spend 5 minutes vacuuming a room. Just let the little Roomba skitter around all day. I have days where getting out the vacuum cleaner counts as my upper body workout. There’s the EasyChop. I have one of those, but I call it a knife. And the product that is my particular pet peeve, the Kindle. I have one of those too, but I call it a LIBRARY.

All of these products are slightly genius in that they have created a demand that wasn’t there. In all fairness, I can see using most of them if you’re elderly or infirm, but I’ve yet to see someone Betty White’s age shilling a Roomba.

I’ve been blessed by genetics, in that I’m 5’10” and have pretty much been on the average/lean side of the height and weight charts my whole life. I’ve been lucky enough that I’ve pretty much eaten crap my whole adult life and remained basically the same size.

Until the last few months.

I have gained almost 10 pounds since I got married. My eating habits have stayed mostly the same, except we have been eating more red meat. It was generally situational that we didn’t eat that much red meat before, because I simple couldn’t afford it. Now I guess with two incomes, I’ve felt the need to splurge.

I am totally paying for that now.

When I sit, my belly now flops over onto my lap. I’ve never had a flat stomach to begin with, but this is just ridiculous. I can feel the back fat creeping up into my armpits when I get into the car. My energy is low and I feel just bloated and awful. I get out of breath when I climb the stairs. I seriously don’t know how clinically obese people stay alive as long as they do. I’m only carrying around 10 extra pounds, and I’m miserable.

I’ve also totally slacked off on walking the dog. I used to walk her faithfully almost every day, but now find excuse after excuse not to walk her, which is unhealthy for both of us.

So, for the first time in my life, am going to have to DIET or at least make better choices.

This could get ugly.